Tuesday, February 28

It's A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow, Just a Dream Away!

A LOT has happened in the past two weeks!

Two Saturday nights ago after I got off of work Dad and one of his brothers (my uncle :) ) came over using another brother (uncle's) truck.  We loaded, they transported and unloaded three loads worth of boxes and smaller furniture over to the "new" house.  This definitely helped when it came to the professional movers in keeping costs down.  Then both sisters came over and we played some Apples to Apples, played Wii games, and watched most of SNL before they had to hit the road.

Last Sunday I worked on getting more things ready and moved out during the day and in the evening had the family over for a lasagna dinner.  The last big family dinner in the house, by my family anyways.  Mom went around and shot pictures while we showed the baby around the basement since she had never been :)

Then Monday arrived and Dad helped while the movers came over and took all the furniture out of the house and moved it over, leaving me with an air mattress and tv in the bedroom, some floor lamps, but still plenty of things from drawers, closets and cabinets to box up.  I enjoyed my evenings for the most part, but pretty much being contained to one room wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  It was nice closure though and I'm glad I stayed those nights.

This past Friday night after work I picked Sue up for a sleep over.  We went to a craft store where she got a lady bug and a small pink Easter basket for it's bed.  She enjoyed a lunchable, at her request, for dinner; as well as running around the floor lamps in the living room.  Then she swam around in the pink bath tub for one last time, before going to sleep on a sleeping bag in the room her grandma (my mom) grew up in. Saturday morning we went to see Pooh's movie at the movie theater for their children's film series.  It was bunches of fun.  Then for me it was back to the salt mines of packing up.

That evening I took my last bath in the pink tub as well.  I've really come to love baths, especially if you can sit and soak in them.  And that bath had the perfect slant to lay back against without being painful.  I will miss you pink tub!

Sunday brought Sunday School and the official last chance moving day.  Everything was going into boxes and moved into the kitchen/kitchenette area.  I swept the hardwood floors in each room one last time, knowing I'll miss how the light bounced off them and the beautiful light wear and tear that showed a family once lived there.  Mom came over and by late afternoon we were each doing a car load to take to the house, so that the new owner could do a walk through.  Drats if I didn't remember the wrong time and there they were as we were getting the last of things in the car for the trip.  For some people maybe meeting the new owners gives a sense of closure, but I did not want to see/meet them at all.  But there was the realtor and the people.  After asking something about the house and I answered we trekked out of there.

Now once I was given the all clear by my realtor we were going to go back and have one last meal there, and then load up three vehicles for one last move.  Apparently the new owner was worried that I wouldn't have enough time to get my things out and clean before I was suppose to be out.  Really not sure how they came to that conclusion.  The kitchen and back room downstairs were the only rooms with really anything substantial in them, and that was because they were awaiting transport out.  All I needed to do was clean down the kitchen counters once more, sweep and clean the living room and kitchen floors and vacuum the carpet downstairs.  By that time I was just done.  We had seen who was moving in, so I guess it was good if not just to know it was "real".  It felt like driving back from WDW and getting to the last two hours and just wanting it done, just to be home, vacation could just be done.  I was done, physically and emotionally drained.

I said good-bye to the Avenue at 9 pm. As I walked out to the car from the garage, after leaving the house keys on the kitchen cabinet, I looked up to the sky.  I seriously have not seen that many stars in such a long time.  The ones we usually see were extremely brilliant, while there were other ones I normally don't see an they were much lighter but very much there.  And it calmed me.  As I took Pumpkin out before she retired for the evening, I again took towards the stars.  That night they reminded me of the way the stars, moon and sky looked in Hawaii.  Like perfect diamonds scattered along a midnight blue crushed velvet background.  I've missed that night sky since we left the islands.  But there it was again, and I felt Him reminding me of the promises He's always kept.  That it was with good reason I made this important move, so that I can continue down this path, hard as it may be sometimes.

Yesterday, as I was heading down the street to watch the nieces, I looked to the day sky.  (I know you are thinking, she has gone nuts! ;))  I have never seen so many traces left in the sky of planes that have gone by, and two planes in the distant leaving the mark as well.  So of course, planes would be the way to my child, that's certainly what it must mean ;)  It made me feel lighter of course, as well as when my realtor (who by the way if you are looking for one, or need a recommendation I can highly recommend her and her team!!!!) let me know that the house was officially sold.

Then today I checked my account online it showed the mortgage was paid in full (much like we are) and that surprisingly made me feel like a weight, one I wasn't aware of, was also taken off my shoulders.  I also found my jeans that had gone missing on me, and I've been frantic to find, so I plan to go pick up Sue get some weekly shopping done and let her play while I unpack more.  Tomorrow it's back to the normal work week, and hopefully it's a much less emotionally charged week.  I'll still be physically sore, but that's a good thing I think ;)

Here's to the new road ahead!

Sunday, February 12

Some Post Changes

You may, or may not, notice that in some words, especially those like ch.ina and ado.ption have "." in the middle of the words.  This helps to protect my blog to some extent from types of people who I may not want finding, reading and commenting on my blog.  I realize that it may be preventing other people from finding it by using a search engine, but unfortunately it's a step I feel the need to take to be able to share without worrying so much what some people may have to negatively say about this journey I'm on.  This is also why some of the "tags" have changed as well including the "." in the wording.  Also why I have to approve a comment you may make on the blog.  On a positive note, in doing all of this I realized that some posts that were set to post in May, never did.  So there are "new" posts for you all to enjoy :)

With a LOT of Daddy's help I was able to get a door changed out, paint chips cleaned up and spots outdoors (in the freezing temps) painted up, drywall hung to cover insulation that was put up in the unused square footage (grr), and finding two more outlet covers other than the one I found that needed to be put on in the laundry room.  So now waiting for the loan approval lady to come back through and approve what was done, at least the house appraised for at least the purchase price.

Two more weeks are all that I have left in my home :(  I'm really going to miss those hard wood floors, the pink bathtub which is great to read and soak in, and my favorite original lighting fixture in the hallway.  I will not miss the actual moving part, especially when a certain moving company of a couple of guys and their vehicle quoted me 540 dollars just to move the furniture---HOLY COW!!!  Anyways I need to make an appointment this week to go sign my set of papers, and also get my hair cut back up to my shoulders as well.  Tonight as well as tomorrow I need to start packing up the items I still have at home, and stay in from the snow :)

It's also sad to hear that another 80's icon passed away:(  I love her music, especially when I was younger.  I can still remember singing along to her with middle sister on my Fisher Price red microphone that Aunt S got me for a birthday.  Tapping your fingers on it along with the beat, just like she did :)

Kisses in the Wind

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened***

KISSES IN THE WIND    (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

1 Samuel 1:27

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened***

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.

Proverbs 25:25

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened***

Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land.

The Gift of Life

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened***

I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you 
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
--- Unknown

Mommy Jewelry

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened***

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, 
But still miraculously my own. 
Never forget for a single minute, 
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it 
--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

How Could You Know?

***Originally was suppose to post in May, not sure what happened*** 

As you lay sleeping far away as still as you could be... 
How could you know the joy today this photo brings to me?

A few short weeks and you'll be mine, and "I" will soon be "We". 
How could you know the love I feel? It's something you can't see.

So have sweet dreams, my precious babe. Sleep well and tenderly. 
Some say that you're the lucky one. How could you know it's me? 
--- Kris Laughlin

Monday, February 6


Ever since December when I found my way back to adoption, I have marveled nightly at the stars.  How beautiful and bright and plenty they are.  Especially in winter when the night sky is more chill and clear.  Even when there have been clouds at dusk they always seem to clear out before my last check of the skies, for the stars to do their twinkling act for me.  And every night I have thought of my daughter across the globe.

I wonder if she's born or still being knit in the womb.  I wonder if she's still with her birth parents or have they safely hidden her in her finding place.  I wonder if she's in a crib in a SWI (social welfare institute/orphanage) or with a foster family. I wonder if she feels lost and her heart is breaking or if she feels safe and loved wherever she is.  I wonder if she if well fed or does her tummy growl.  I wonder if she's been outside or seen the stars.  I wonder a lot of things.  I also think to the time when I'll be there with her and looking up at the same big sky and those same beautiful stars and think back to this time before it all began. . .back in the beginning when the stars were what I had to connect to her with.

It all makes me think of the song from American Tail, when they were separated but thinking of each other.  Also the song that I want to make part of my nursery that also reminds me of Disney.  Then when I looked up "star" in mandarin I found this song, Little Star:

Twinkle twinkle bright
The sky is full of little stars
Hanging in the bright sky
They look like many small eyes
Twinkle twinkle bright
The sky is full of little stars

And now I can look to the sky at night and see my baby's eyes looking back at me :)

Sunday, February 5

Fast and Slow

I remember when I was younger how long the days were until a next holiday, birthday, vacation, it seemed to take forever to get there.  At the same time when you were playing with toys, family members, or friends that time was over too quickly.  Much is the same today.  Time doing things I'd rather not do like yard work, cleaning the bathroom, going to work on some days seem to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r.  Where as time spent checking blogs, reading a good book, hanging out with family, vacations seem to be over as soon as they are started.

However, with each year aged the next year seems to fly by even faster.  I mean, here it is already February of 2012.  I am now out about three weeks from the closing on the house, four months from seeing Cinderella's Castle down from ten, and a month away from being another year older.  Then there is starting a family of my own and that still feels like an eternity away from now.  Forever before I even start the process, let alone travel to China to meet my child.  Though I'm sure once that whole process gets started it will be filled with a lot of hurry up and wait as well.

I guess the important thing to remember is that it's all in God's time, and His timing is perfect :)