Monday, February 6

Stars

Ever since December when I found my way back to adoption, I have marveled nightly at the stars.  How beautiful and bright and plenty they are.  Especially in winter when the night sky is more chill and clear.  Even when there have been clouds at dusk they always seem to clear out before my last check of the skies, for the stars to do their twinkling act for me.  And every night I have thought of my daughter across the globe.

I wonder if she's born or still being knit in the womb.  I wonder if she's still with her birth parents or have they safely hidden her in her finding place.  I wonder if she's in a crib in a SWI (social welfare institute/orphanage) or with a foster family. I wonder if she feels lost and her heart is breaking or if she feels safe and loved wherever she is.  I wonder if she if well fed or does her tummy growl.  I wonder if she's been outside or seen the stars.  I wonder a lot of things.  I also think to the time when I'll be there with her and looking up at the same big sky and those same beautiful stars and think back to this time before it all began. . .back in the beginning when the stars were what I had to connect to her with.

It all makes me think of the song from American Tail, when they were separated but thinking of each other.  Also the song that I want to make part of my nursery that also reminds me of Disney.  Then when I looked up "star" in mandarin I found this song, Little Star:

Twinkle twinkle bright
The sky is full of little stars
Hanging in the bright sky
They look like many small eyes
Twinkle twinkle bright
The sky is full of little stars

And now I can look to the sky at night and see my baby's eyes looking back at me :)

2 comments :

  1. I used to do the same thing during my wait. I'd look up at the stars and dream about my daughter. It was a way to feel connected to her... knowing we could see the same stars even though she was half a world away (Though technically I talked to those stars for about fours years before she was even born. LOL)

    I used to look up there and tell her I loved her more than all the stars in the sky. Now every night before putting her to bed... I tell her the same thing.

    When I was in China I bought a black pearl bracelet with silver dangling stars and moons to give her some day when I tell her the story of why I say it.

    Good luck on your journey to motherhood. :)

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  2. Thank you :)
    Love the bracelet for Mia, as I'm sure she will too one day!
    I often think when i look at those stars if she's born, if she's in her birth mother's womb, or if she's not even a thought yet. But it truly is nice to feel some kind of connection, and dreaming about the day when I can look at those stars on the other side of the world with her :)

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