Sunday, June 24

"Mooommmmm...Crazy's at it again!"

Ok, I'm not crazy, but always looking for validation with what I'm doing.  I really don't want to mess up, and try not to.  Being one of those human beings though, I do.  So right now I'm just really trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be doing.  Now reading other's past posts I was always thinking to myself "why are you always second guessing and questioning yourself.  just do it, it's obvious God's behind you."  Until you're the one who is trying to figure out when and how to bring a whole other life into your own, you start seeing things differently.  Start wondering, what is the right thing and am I doing it.  Am I doing what I'm suppose to, or am I looking to hard for an easy answer that everyone else can see but me.  Like reading through random ado.ption blogs and each post I bring up talks about how God was there financially through their adoption.  Every time they needed the money, the exact amount was there at the exact time they needed it.  Or that they  just bucked up saved every penny they could and held their chin high and asked others for help.

Or when typing in "Lauren" and "Bible Verse" into go.ogle spit out this verse:
Philippians 4:19 () 19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Or this one:
For with God nothing will be impossible." (Luke 1:37)

How about this one:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

And this one:
"But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." (Psalm 34:10)

I think I need Him to tell me just like He did about the whole adopting thing ;)
I know that this path is never going to be easy, but life isn't easy, right?!?  I can't be assured that everything will always work out, the way I want them too.  Plus I like to make things hard when they can really be super simple.

I do remember the same type of thing last year when I found "Angel" and just broke down sobbing and asking Him if I was her mommy and could he give me some sign.  If I was meant to I'd do what ever He needed to, but I just needed an answer.  Later that day I found through some other blogs that she had a family submitting PA for her and actually did adopt her.  I need that kind of a sign!  And you would probably like it to, so you can stop seeing these posts day after day - LOL! (or maybe not ;) )

This has really weighed heavily on me now for the past few days.  My heart just wants to know what it's suppose to be feeling and my body feels like I've worked out all day and night, while my mind feels hypervigilant.  I'm just so happy that I've been able to sleep a good 7-8 hours after my mid shift is over (I'm covering the mid shift for three weeks for a co-worker who lost his sister :(  Prayers are with him!)

So right now I'm going to ask you all for help.  If you so feel lead would you pray for me?  Pray that He will give me my answer, either way really.  While you are having a conversation with the Lord would you also ask that He looks over "Lauren" and helps her family, whoever that may be to find her and come get her, and for her health and blessings of comfort and His love.  Or if you feel more comfortable just some comforting thoughts, for both "Lauren" and I.  I would be ever so grateful!

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