Sunday, October 28

One Year Since. . .

. . .the For Sale sign went up in my yard!  Can you believe it, because I hardly can.  All that went into selling the house, the painting, cleaning, deweeding, loan so I could sell from a fairy godmother, bringing everything up to code, and of course saying good-bye.

Here I am a year later, with painting done for the foreseeable future, boxes all unpacked, and no yard work to contend with ;)  Thinking that another year from now could find me pregnant or with a newborn.  How crazy is that?!

Saturday, October 27

What I Still Miss

Now that the house was sold 8 months ago, and have been living with mom, dad and kk, here is what I still miss.

I still miss those original hardwood floors.  They were slightly a pain to sweep up, but oh how I loved the warmth their color brought to the room.  They would have been a little hard on small knees and feet learning how to crawl, or to fall on when learning how to walk, but having "picnics" on them made them a bit easier to clean messes off of than carpeting.

I miss looking at the light fixture in the hallway every day, as well as the simple one over the sink when doing dishes.  The simple, but gorgeous detail on the hallway one, and the way the silver gleamed on them both.  I just do not care much for the gold fixtures, and find that I personally prefer silver.

I miss those big mature trees in my yard.  The nice shading they provided and how beautiful they looked.  Remember I had NEVER watered my lawn once.  I never found that my lawn looked nasty either, actually I thought it looked just as good as the neighbors who watered daily.  I really think it's due to those trees shading it from the blistering sun, as well as a good rain shower.  While I miss having piles of leaves for nieces to play in and get some cute pictures with, I do NOT miss raking, mulching and bagging a whole box or two of lawn bags worth of them.  In fact naughty me did not even do the last load of front yard leaves last year.  Under the light layer of snow the new owner had some work for the Spring, and to be honest I really didn't feel guilty about it either!

I miss my pink tub!!!  Oh the way it was slanted was perfect for reading and soaking.  With or without a bath pillow.  The light from the window above was great for a light breeze or natural sunlight.  What's nice now though is being able to jump and take a quick shower and wash my hair the same time I wash my body!

What I miss from living alone, whether it be the house or when I was in the apartment, is control over it all.  I decided when to do my dishes, when to throw in a load of laundry (the apartment even came equipped with a w/d in the kitchen), deciding what to set the temp to (gas was paid in the apartment, extremely nice to not pay for heat!), and how loud/quiet the house would be.

I also remember that some days or weekends were great to just hang out by yourself to read or watch movies, while other times I just wanted to have others around to do the same thing, but not alone.  I would always have a tv or radio on in the background just so it wasn't dead quiet.  Or becoming a super light sleeper who wakes up to every noise thinking of where to hide if someone is breaking in.  Getting myself worked up when certain neighbors thought it was cool to play loud music or rev their engines late at night or other certain neighbors tried to bully me.  Dreading going out to do the basic of lawn care, mowing, weed pulling, leaf pick up, etc.  Paying the bill for the heat or a/c and then having to go cooler or warmer to try and not have such a big bill the next month.  Hoping that nothing was going to fall apart so that it was another bill to deduct from my income each month.  Wondering how on earth I was going to become an SMC if half my monthly take home went just to paying the mortgage.  Those things I DON'T miss so much.

I love that it's not just me washing the dishes.  That yeah it's still not my favorite thing and I can't just leave them for the weekend being one person and all if I wanted to, but there are three other people who pitch in too.  I still have a whole day that the W/D are open for my use only.  That my mommy says when a baby comes she would help with their laundry, cloth diapers and all.  There are other people who make meals and welcome me to each one if I want.  The temp in the house may not be what I would have it at, I also don't have to worry what the bill will look like at the end of the month.  Punky may be crated again at night, but someone is here most of the time to let her hang out with them during the day and take her to the bathroom when she needs it.  She loves having the attention, belly rubs and loving from her grandma, grandpa and auntie!  Once again, I don't have to deal with the outdoor stuff, but I can enjoy the beauty of it and swimming in the pool in the summer.  I could still be "alone" all day reading, watching tv, doing crafts, shopping or spending time on their computer (yeah, mine is still--:( ), but knowing others are in the house, no need for the tv or music in the background if I don't want it.

When I was planning on being a Choice Mom and going the pregnancy route, I had asked mom if she would come stay with me when it got closer to the delivery time.  That way I wouldn't be alone at night, in case something happened.  That she would come stay with me for awhile after the baby arrived.  Now I don't have to worry about that.  They'll be around through the whole pregnancy and after too.  I had had big plans for the nursery at my house, theme and all.  I never actually did paint that room though or do more than the furniture that was there and bought a mattress for the crib my sisters used.  Deep down I just didn't think it was going to happen there.  Once I moved here I had this feeling that this wouldn't be the last time I would be moving and the baby room just didn't quite feel right either.  However, as I decided to move forward with IUI vs. adopton the room, the perfect paint color had been chosen.  Now I totally envision it as my future baby's room where they will grow.  I love the playroom and how it looks more and more kid-friendly as we go.  I can picture how my room will look once I bring baby home from the hospital and have the glider set up in the corner (no I don't have one yet) and the amby baby next to my bed.  It feels good to know that even though we will be a "mommy and child(ren)" family (at least now), they will grow up close to their g-ma, g-pa, aunts, uncle and cousins--either in their own home or down the street.  It just feels right for this part of life!

So yes, I'm extremely happy in my decision to sell the house and move in with my family.  Glad that I made the half serious remark a year and half ago that I'd need to move in in order to have my own family (financial wise) and that Mom and Dad took it to heart and discussed it amongst themselves and then offered it to me. That I was offered a multi-generational home and accepted it, with all that it entails!

Wednesday, October 24

*Now or Later

Why do I keep saying/writing that I am not going to start ttc until 2013?  I'll break it down for you ;)

Before I even made my first appt/consultation with the fertility center, I was planning on starting actual TTC in Jan 2013.  I was going to make my initial appt with the center in October and then that would give me three months for whatever testing they felt needed to be done, get done.  As you see I went ahead and bit the bullet one day and made the first appt last month.  From their literature they sent me home with it looks like "this month" will be the month I have tests run and then meet with an RE to get my Plan of Care together. Then the next month I can start trying.

The plan to start in Jan stems from two main reasons.  Number one, money.  I really thought from my understanding that I would be doing this all out of pocket.  Now from reading, though I'm waiting for financial lady to give me the "real" answers, it looks like even the sperm could be covered by my insurance.  I had checked with the andrology lady, and she says that they actually order the specimen, not me.  So again need info from financial lady, but they may bill my insurance before coming to me for the money to pay for the genetic material.  She'll also go over with me the cost of my IUI, which seems to be covered minus co-pay  for the procedure.  If those fall in line, then finances are not an issue any more.  I then have to wonder if coverage will stay the same for next year.  Would I be better off trying now for maybe two cycles vs. waiting for next year?

Reason Two, leave of absence.  I fully intend to take my twelve weeks off.  With what I have six would be paid.  That time is already "banked".  Then they would come after my current sick/vacation time to pay the rest of it off.  Which would leave me with no paid time off for the rest of year.  I can't exactly just not come in and have it taken out of my pay at my current position.  I'd prefer to take some unpaid and then save some time "just in case", but it doesn't work that way.  Did a couple of years ago, but not anymore.  Which means mom, the baby, and I cannot get sick, because I can not use sick time to go/stay home.   I'd also like to be selfish and have those end of year holidays off and with baby.  Now if I were to get the other job, that'd be a non issue, I'd get holidays off.

I know that things don't go according to plan though.  It could take awhile to get pregnant, keep a pregnancy, etc.  Which could take me into a new year and the same problems over again.  I could have complications and need to be on bed rest, or the baby could come early.  Making all of this pondering and planning null and void, but for now I'm trying to figure out what's best for what I can attempt to plan for.  I also will be having that sonohystogram this cycle.  The "cleaning of the pipes" so to speak can lead to some women getting a BFP their next cycle if they are TTC.  So there's that to add to it all as well.  It doesn't help that I also have this overwhelming feeling it will be multiples and therefore need the couple extra months, you know after the holiday buying frenzy, to save more monies for this future child(ren).  I also don't want to miss a month that could have been the one.  Then again I don't want to be worried over having time at the end of the year and working holidays for a certain person at work :(

I suppose this is/I could make a now/later list much like the pros/cons list of a beloved Stars Hollow's character!

**I wrote this before I got the call Monday saying that my sono wouldn't be until next cycle/month.  At most I'd probably just get to try in December, if I wanted to "try earlier."**