Sunday, June 30

*And the Magic 8 Ball Says. . .

. . .Ask Again Later.

Rats :(  Well, that just means that I'm not one of the lucky ones who get a baby out of IUI #1.  I'm not out though!  I'll be honest with you that once I tested that trigger out of my system, I kept testing every morning, and darn if that test line never came back.  Yesterday morning, my given test day from the clinic, I knew I was expecting it to be a negative.  Though I did keep a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the second line would I appear and I would let out a squeal of delight and jump up and down.  Instead it went as I knew it would.  I had cried it out on Thursday, and prayed, and so yesterday it was a little sad, but at least I knew I could start planning for the next try.

And I did hold out a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the brown spotting I was having wasn't AF on her way in, but just early pregnancy spotting.  That lasted until late afternoon, and since then.  The cramping and other such fun things that AF brings lets me know the next cycle has started.  Which means that I'm definitely out for trying this month, just because I don't have any sp.erm already at the bank.  Plus it looks like my insurance is not covering the actual IUI day--showing I'll need to cover ~450.00.  The clinic sent me their bill, but I think they sent it before insurance said they want me to pay for it.  The clinic just shows me owing 15.00, and that they billed insurance for the rest.  So I'm still expecting the bill to be resent telling me I'll need to pay for that too.  I'm still extremely lucky and blessed that the rest has basically been covered by insurance, it just stinks that I was assuming they were covering the whole IUI process, I didn't exactly plan for this little hiccup financially.

Right now I'm thinking that IUI 2 will be the cycle that starts around mid-August, with the IUI being at the beginning of September.  That gives me some time to choose a new donor, because I saw a new one and think I may go with him.  It'll help me write some donor series posts while actually going through the decision to change my choice (again.)  It will give my body a break in-between drugs/hormones.  A chance to lose a little more weight on my own (I cancelled the diet plan that Dr. M told me to do, as for my personality type it was causing me to be anxious and stressed.)  And of course to find out if I'm going to actually (I'm sure I will) going to have to pay for the IUI, and of course purchase the new donor's specimen.

It does stink, waiting again just to get back to IUI time, but since it's a self induced wait, it's not as bad as being told I HAVE to wait.  Man, though, I do have to give the women and couples who have done this far longer, and far further than I, a lot of respect for going through all of this.  All the meds/hormones/appointments/blood draws/internal ultrasounds/procedures/waits/and BFNs, is really hard on a person.  I really have to make myself step back and remember to hand it over to the Lord, and know it's all in His time.  Especially when you just want to know when and if it's going to work.  There's just no gaurantee and that sinks.

Luckily I can still be naive ;), since I'm still in the early stages of trying, and believe that my gut feeling of IUI #2 being "the one" will work.  That I could possibly have baby born the day between Sue and Moo's birthdays (remember they are two days apart.)  That sounds nice ;)

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