Friday, April 11

"Not in my wildest dreams. . ."

Okay, so maybe my dream this morning wasn't exactly "wild", I think it was more confusing.  I had woke up again, twenty minutes after my tv was programmed to come on.  I have done the same thing this whole week.  Tonight I'm starting the whole going to bed process an hour earlier!  (I actually did my bible reading time as soon as I came home from work today, instead of making sure I get it in right before bed.)  I'm not even sure how long this dream lasted in real time, it could have been during the time the tv came on to when I woke up.  And the TV was on an infomercial (before 6 am), so it had no influence on the dream.

The dream starts (or at least where I remember it starting) was me sitting on this small plane, getting ready to leave from China.  No way in real life would this "plane" (actually it was probably more like a bus on the inside--like yellow school bus!) be going across an ocean.  Anyways, that's when I was given my child.  I must not have ever seen her picture or recieved any information about her prior to meeting her.  The nanny (ayi) told me this was my daughter and she was five years old.  I don't remember details about her, but trust me-she was no five year old.  This daughter of mine was like 10-12 years old.  I don't even know what her special need was, why she was in the special focus program (which is the program single women can adopt from for China).  I just remember looking at her and thinking, "What?  She's five, no way.  I have niece that's five almost six and she looks so much younger and smaller.  I thought 'orphanage life and chinese she would maybe be smaller than Sue', but not the case here.

Then I started going through my backpack (my carry-on), perhaps looking for snacks for my new child, and inside was a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.  No clue why I'd bring that on.  I started panicking thinking, "why did they let me bring this on, it's definitely more than 3 oz."  I couldn't remember even going through security--no wonder it was a dinky plane.  Then I unzipped another pocket and there was some cleaning stuff in a spray bottle.  What?!!!  I don't even use those types of products/buy them.  I looked in the seat across from me at mom, and was freaking out saying how I was going to get in such trouble for having this in my carry on.  I think it was then that my daughter started talking to me.  I don't remember what she said, if anything, but that she spoke plain old English, with no accent (just like her midwestern mama), and fluently.  She wasn't having any issues, it was as if I was always in her life.

Next we were in Grandma and Grandpa S's garage.  Aunt S and her girls (my cousins) had shown up.  My cousin G gave her (my daughter, I have no idea what her name was, if she had one--I never thought, oh "Grace" or any other name during the dream) a hug and then went into the house.  I introduced my daughter to G's older sister V, and said jokingly (though even in the dream I thought it was a bad joke), "Here's my 3 month old daughter."  Obviously still thinking that there was no way she was the age they told me she was.  V oohed and ahhhed over her and then said she was going to do the same thing in two years (adopt from China.)  She think skipped off into the house, with me calling after her, "You can't adopt from China yet, you'd only be 23, you have to be 30."

Then we were in "our house."  Actually there was some bit in between here, but it's very garbled and I can't remember enough to make sense of it.  Anyways, "our house" cause it's one of those times where it's not a house from real life.  I think it was supposed to be mom and dad's house and we  had two rooms that connected.  My bedroom seemed to be like an add-on to the original house (?) since you had to pass through daughter's room to get to mine, and there was a window in the wall between the two bedrooms that had blinds on them so you couldn't see into the next room.

Daughter was tired and was lying in her bed.  People (my sisters?) were coming in and out of the room.  There was a TV in daughter's room and she had it on a show, I don't remember what it was, but I remember thinking it may have been a little "old" for her.  Old for her as a twelve year old, way too old for a five year old.  I awkwardly told her that we had some rules we'd need to go over and that she wasn't to go to sleep watching tv (says her mother who has to have tv on in the background to sleep.)  And that we would have to discuss what shows she could watch.  I just remember that people were in her room and I was trying to tell her goodnight, and I just felt sooooo utterly confused as to who this child was.  That no way was she five, our weird introduction, how well she spoke english and understood me, and how I'm way more prepared for a toddler/preschooler than to jump into pre-teens.   Then I noticed that the TV was back on, my mom had turned it on. "Oh, I didn't know you wanted it off."  First of all she just magically appeared in the room, and all I could think is why everyone was in the bedroom.  Mom knows better in real life ;)

She had turned it on to Mary Poppins, and Mimi asked daughter if she had seen it before.  Apparently "Mary Pop Pop" as daughter called it was a favorite in the orphanage.  Um, not sure I've heard of many orphanages playing Mary Poppins, but then again I wasn't there ;)  As she was asking if I could leave it on for her to watch, I actually started to wake up.  All I could think was how crazy this dream was, and how utterly unreal any of it was.  Not sure what, if there was any, the meaning of it was, but it sure was a cray cray one :)

Off to bed earlier tonight and we'll see if I have any wonderful dreams that I can still remember in the morning :)

*Day 24/30 No buying fast food/drinking pop or coffee.  Still on target.  Doing well :)  Tried hot chocolate with creamer--um, freakin delicious!!!!*

*Day 11 of April Reading Bible for 10 mins/day.  Yeppers :)  I even feel I'm being spoke to through some parts.  Still in Genesis, but further than I've ever been just reading.  Passing a LOT of lessons I've taught numerous times in Sunday School though!*


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