It was April 22, 2009 that I was at work chatting with a friend. The conversation had been revolving around me wanting to be a mommy (which she's heard a lot over the years ;) ) Then we got to discussing what would happen if my (future) husband and I could not have children, would I consider adoption. Yes, I would, was my response. Then she asked me if I would consider adopting even if I didn't marry. Huh!?! As soon as I got home that night I began searching on the internet about becoming a single mom by choice. There are plenty of resources and support out there that I didn't know existed because I had never seriously considered it. But seeing as my original plan didn't work out, you know, "marry my soul mate at a young age, have my five children by the time I was 30, and get to raise them all as a stay-at-home mom," I was ready to create a new plan. By no means have I given up on finding my future husband, but then who knows what God's plan is for that (and really it's His plans that seem to work out for me ;) ). I'm not sure though if we don't meet until I'm in my 60s that I'll be ready to be just starting a family at that time. I've spent plenty of time of praying and asking God if this was the path to mommyhood I was meant to follow. As I felt peace in my heart I started scouring the internet, reading books, and following blogs to see just how these single ladies were becoming Choice Moms. Although my initial delve into the subject was based off of a conversation about adoption, I was really looking into IUIs and having a biological child.
In March 2011 I felt a calling from the Lord that lead me to looking into adopting a daughter from China. I really started looking into what was involved in becoming a mom this way. Gathering brochures from agencies I was interested in, getting into yahoo groups for china adoptions and specifically special needs. Since in order to adopt as a single mom from China, now, you have to adopt a special focus child (most likely an older child--around 3 or so, with a special need or needs.) From this decision I started this very blog to keep family and friends abreast of my decisions and progress. The decision also had me looking seriously at my finances, especially knowing that a social worker would be looking them over too and deciding if I could afford to be a mom. One evening I joked with my youngest sister that I'd have to move back in with mom and dad, in my old room in order to afford having a child. Well, since mom was in the room when I said it, mom and dad talked it over and asked if I would seriously want to move back with them. After all only a year ago they were going to downsize and move in with me. At first I dismissed the idea, after all I would probably not be able to adopt then. Everyone would be subjected to the home study, I wouldn't be worth the 100,000 that would be necessary to adopt from China either, as well as some other factors. Then as it kept creeping in the back of my mind, I became fixated with the idea and looking it up on the internet and books (hmmm . . .there's some kind of pattern here ;)) and found myself enjoying the idea of mulit-generational living. So as a family we began talking about moving in together, and the pros and cons (as there would be living alone as well.) When I bought my house I had thought it wouldn't be long til Prince Charming would be gracing the front steps and sweeping me off my feet. After our wedding we'd share the household bills and start our own family. However with me being the sole bread winner and sole parent, the finances seemed tighter and a whole house to keep up seemed to take time from children that I didn't even have yet. It seems like a lovely idea to have other adults for my children to grow up around on a daily basis, though I know it may not feel that way to everyone every day in the future. I also knew that I did not want to have to prolong the wait of ttc (trying to conceive) while making sure that I could be better off financially where I am right now. I also like the idea of being able to help mom and dad out with repairs that will need to be made around the house and cleaning and the such. Just as much as they want to help me realize the dream of finally becoming a mom. Then we had to decide which house truly would meet the needs of all of us, two grandparents, a future mom, my child(ren) and their aunt. So we finally came to the decision of making mom and dad's all of our home once again.
August 2011 brings upon it getting the house prepared to bring in the realtor to get this house on the market (ugh, the market in this time--let's try not to dwell on that ;) )
October 2011 is when the house finally went on the market after doing the main things the realtor suggested in order to get the house sold quickly. Not having a lot of money to do upgrades meant that I had to price to sell. It also meant having a fairy godmother assist me with the financial aspect because I would have to bring several grand to the closing if it sold for the listing price. Thankful of such a person, I was able to put the house up for sale.
Late December 2011 has an interested buyer, but his financing isn't there. He and his agent will try to find the financing, but otherwise it looks like in the beginning of the new year I will need to drop the price of the house to get it to move. There were a lot of people coming, but no one making offers. Through the last half of December I am also feeling a very strong pull back to the adoption path. Once I commit myself to following His way again, the buyer gets financing. . .I'm telling you He is at work here! I feel that once I got back on the path I was suppose to be on things started to fall back into place.
Even better, I become an aunt again :) Now I have three beautiful, healthy, wonderful nieces and can't wait to give them a cousin to play with and grow up with!
January 2012 is the month that things have to be checked and fixed on the house in order to sell it to the buyer. Though it won't be until end of February that I move out. Lucky for me my parents were able to help me pay for all the things that needed fixed with the house in order for me to sell. . .like a new heater and fix plumbing issues.
Late February 2012 I sign the house over to the new buyer and move in with my family.
March 2012 I turn 33 and wonder how old I will be when I'm finally a Mommy. I also wonder what my future child(ren)'s birth month is.
Summer 2012 After coming home from WDW and seeing that sweet baby girl waiting, my brain starts thinking again. My heart is conflicted with my thoughts, so I turn to prayer. After really looking into what the requirements were for Chi.na, and knowing what I could do now I rearrange my path again. (!) Since Plan P ;) was to adopt and then have a homegrown child, I made Plan Q to be homegrown first and adoption second. (That's the extremely short version!) So planning for TTC to begin in the new year!
September 2012 was my Consultation at the fertility clinic. So far the plan with them is to do CD3 Blood Tests, then a SHG between CD7 and 10. After those results I will meet with one of the two REs from the clinic for my Plan of Care (aka what will happen to get me PG). ***If you are wondering about what CD#s are or SHG, etc, check out the "That Means WHAT?" tab at the top!
I also was given the four banks they work with, but none were the one I was hoping to go with. So it was back to the drawing board for choosing a donor. I choose a donor, and back up ones as well, that I'm hoping to go with when it's time!
Nursery is painted and I have bought some organizing furniture and bins. It's coming together to a "real" room :)
October 2012 had my CD3 blood draw done.
November 2012 had S0N0 done.
January 2013 Select the donor and order a vial through my fertility clinic. (They made the actual purchase through the cryobank.)
March 2013 Have Plan of Care, well have First Plan of Care appointment. Be told that I need to get my BMI down and to join a specific local weight loss clinic. Have blood taken to see if I'm diabetic (I'm not) and told to come back for a Plan of Care in two months.
Join weight loss program, basically because I "have" to.
Set up appointment in two months, but with the other doctor, because that's who the receptionist set me up with.
Work on losing weight.
April 2013 Continue with weight loss.
May 2013 Go in for second Plan of Care. This time I'm walked right past the scale and blood pressure cuff. No one takes my weight, and this Dr. gets to what's going to happen.
See the financial person and she says my insurance covers all the IUI.
June 2013 IUI Cycle #1 begins. Go in for CD3 internal ultrasound to see what's going on. Get prescription for Clomid, and begin taking.
Go in for second internal, find out there are two eggs all ready to go. Get injection needle for the ovulation induction meds. Head over to the special pharmacy to pick up said meds. Recieve a call that tells me when IUI will be, and therefore when to "shoot up".
Mom gives me my shot and oh my word, I have awful ovulation pain during the night.
On a Saturday morning I have my first IUI.
Test the HcG shot out of my system with pregnancy strip tests. Think to myself, it's not going to happen the first time, so it's no big deal.
Oh wait, it is a big deal! And I become a stalker of signs hoping beyond hope that this works and I'm going to be a mommy.
Never see a positive test again, once the hCG trigger shot worked it's way out of my system :(
Realize just how much I was hoping that I was pregnant. Call the clinic and tell them I'm not pregnant and I'll get back with them when I'm ready to buy another vial and try again.
July 2013 Knowing I have to sit out a cycle so that I can pay for the next vial, I recieve a bill for the IUI. The one my insurance was supposed to cover :(
Make a decision that I really need to get my finances in better order. When I heard I had two eggs, I did fret over whether I'd become pregnant with twins. Not a clue how I'd work that out financially.
Read some Dave Ramsey books and get on board with getting rid of at least some debt and knowing what I could afford for baby/child in a budget before trying again.
Summer/Fall of 2013 Thoughts start flip flopping between having a child biologically and adopting a daughter from Chi.na. Have a hard time looking at blogs/vlogs/websites about babies. Realize just how hard it can be not getting pregnant when you want to, and realizing just how hard it must be for some out there much further in their trials and attempts and still not pregnant/parents or how awful it would be to actually lose a child :(
Start looking at blogs/vlogs/websites for adoption.
Finish Baby Step 1/Emergency Baby Fund.
January 2014 Trying to be less black/white, or it can either be A or B but certainly not both at once. Trying to see more shades of Gray and that it's ok to look at A and/or B. Basically, stop flip flopping between biological or adoption and be open to either at this point. (That being said, making a plan for biological and then adoption.)
Really delving into monies and deciding that Summer 2015 (yep, that sounds crazy--I mean wasn't it just 2000?) looks like enough debt will be paid off in order to make a budget that includes a child workable. And accepting that it could be paid off earlier, or later if something should occur that pushes things back.